Big news is coming from Lebanon, where Israel hacked and blew up the pagers of thousands of Hezbollah fighters, leaving 6 dead and thousands disabled. In response, Hezbollah has vowed revenge against Israel, not in war but in the Paralympics 2028. As the sudden rise in the number of disabled fighters will make their team one of the strongest teams in the Paralympics 2028.
After fighting and losing to Israel for decades, Hezbollah was already low on morale, and this recent attack has broken their spirits. Now, they’ve decided to take revenge on Israel in other forms.
Our Fauxy correspondent in Lebanon interviewed a Hezbollah commander who, fearing our cameras and microphones might explode, spoke through paper cups connected with a string and said, “Now we can’t motivate our fighters to sacrifice themselves for 72 virgins in heaven as Israel has blown their genitals and left them disabled in many ways. So now we will train them for the Paralympics. Beware, Israel, we are coming for you in the Paralympics 2028.”
Currently, Hezbollah is asking their longtime supporter Iran to send their Paralympics coaches instead of their military trainers, as Iran has performed well in the Paralympics 2024.
